I am coming home!

Whooooooooooo...........thanks for reading this and goodnight!

Its not over til its over

Its been a busy day today, well I managed to make it busy. We flew back to Turkmenbashi for one final night in the tent and with familiar surrounds I had a bit of me time, a shower preceed by 2 hours in the sun. No-one was going to complain as most of the editors were seriously hanging from a heavy night on the vodka. I managed to avoid it, which was just as well. Dennis was sick while Florent got attacked, taped into a sausage shape, covered in water and rolled in the sand. Meanwhile I was listening to the new Just Jack in the sun!

As I arrived in the press tent, pandemonium broke out, Al Attiyah had crashed out of the lead. There wasn’t much of a chance to digest the news before the cars started to arrive in service and I started to go and speak with them. I wanted to do get lots of stories from the day to make this programme really good but at the same time I was loosing valuable scripting time. One of the truck drivers who makes his own alcohol out of plums gave me a Louis the press officer, shots……oh no, bad plan!

I got back to the press tent in time to listen to Crofty and Ant on radio 5 live call Italian GP Qualifying and at one point, with headphones on shouted ‘yes, and Vettel is out’. It was a wrong fact and I got a big jear from the VW boys and assembled German journalist! At least we both were able to celebrate Sutil on the front row!

Work was then frantic. All my info meant the script was impossible because the shots had been cut so short, I voice the show with only a minute remaining before it went off to the world, then I had to transcribe the English interviews because Eurosport are too lazy to do it themselves (I actually was going to do it but Chrisophe, the man in charge, said no). After that I had to script the News Access and the days highlights for the 52minute DVD. I also managed to find time to eat but I did that super fast. Whilst this was happening, there were parties going on outside, the crew playing loud drinking games and strange music. Tiredness is really catching me and so especially as I tried to voice, I was getting a little pissed off.

I just had to remind myself that I only had 1 day left and will be at home by Monday. Tomorrow should also be fun as I present the podium and so need a helicopter to get to the site.

I think I sometimes come across like I’m not enjoy it here. I am, its spectacular and I am slowly making freinds, Louis and Emilae have been really great and also helpful; I think the reason for my increased performance doing my job is because of these two making me feel a little welcome. The VW guys are also really friendly, I’ve met Stefans wife via Skype.

Under attack

I woke this morning with a start. In fact my heart was pumping frantically and before I had woken I was in a panic. It certainly wasn’t a conscious panic and I hadn’t been dreaming. As my body started to realise its surroundings I noticed a beating sound, machine gun fire……. After a few seconds my body realised that we weren’t under attack, but equally shockingly it was raining. And not rain like you’ve seen before, angry rain, attacking the airfield as each large drop thumped to the ground, like it had something against us. I had to get my tent down and get on the plane and at first thought I didn’t fancy going outside. However, I had got so dusty and dry yesterday that a bit of water was quite attractive. I proudly put down my tent in my shorts and then (putting a top on!!) boarded the plane.

Balkanabad was a nice change of scenery. We flew for just 20minutes to a military airfield beside a large outcrop of mountains. Turkmenistan have put a lot of money and effort behind the rally and as we arrive, each crew had their own hanger, Press, Race Control (called passage control in the Dakar world), Directors, Catering etc. Despite being decked out in carpets, chairs, tables and electricity the French decided to igorne using them. So I set up camp, the carpet will make a much more comfortable mattress than previous nights.

Between each hanger were mounds of sand, not polluted by rocks or weeds and I just couldn’t resist climbing these 10 foot dunes. They crumbled like mini land slides as I headed to the top but the feeling was nothing like you might of experienced (unless you’ve been to a proper desert)! I can best describe it as like walking in warm flower, soft as silk my legs disappeared to my knees, it was awesome. I tried bare foot skiing down it but just fell over, much to everyones amusement yet horizontal it just moulded to my body effortlessly.

As we travel further South I have notice many more ‘common’ flies, the sort you will see landing on horse poos etc! They loved me this morning and having developed a tolerance for them I watch as one rubbed its little legs and then behind its giant eyes perhaps he had a speck of dust in his eye? In proportion it would be like us having a pea stuck in our eye and, probably quite painful. His cleaning was disturbed by a very unusual Lada which resembled a Bungalow. Instead of an exhaust it had a chimney pumping out white smoke, it sounded as though it might be powered by a tin can, and soon the cameras were out to take photos. I heard later that it was a bug buster, used in cities to get rid of the flies, no wonder my little guy flew off, death by Lada is not what you want on you little fly gravestone!

Like the flies we were also being bombarded, by the wind. This was fine at the beginning, it was 35 degrees and even sitting under the awning was hot, but then once the service trucks began to arrive we got sand blasted. As it picked up, the awnings decided to get out of the area, catapulting toward Ashgabat leaving us more exposed. My laptop needed a windscreen wiper for the screen as I spend most of the day wiping it down, god knows what it looks like inside. Into the Apple world I got when I get back!!

Feed went well again, it’s a funny way of working, I get give an idea of what might be shown and get to work writing a little story on each subject, then I look at the pictures once they are put together and have no time to adjust the script accordingly! You might notice there is no reason why someone might be in the show, the reason. Les image a tres beau! How does that ‘tell the story?’ Anyway I do all I can, I hadn’t seen 3 bits before I voiced it, see if you can tell which they were. It turns out you can hear me on Eurosport every evening! The youtube thing is different, recorded later, now after the daily rewarding beer! www.youtube.com/silkwayrally

With this day nearly over there are only 2 more days, 2 more programmes and 2 more nights in my green tent which, by the way, is now totally surround by others. I was I pioneer of the first hanger village! I’m off now to check weather my tan is sand or sun related!

Theft

Theft can come in all forms, metaphorically, Dramatically and simply. Today many of the Germans exchanged their Euros for the local Turkmenistan ………… The exchange rate, much like many of the eastern European countries is huge, 0.09 euro to every…….. But for some reason the bureau de Change which was a van on the airfield listed the rate as 0.9. Some were lucky getting out 20 euros worth, others had worked out how much they might need for an Asian beer in the beautiful holiday resort in Turkmenbashi meaning they were hugely overcharged. 2 hours later the problem had been realised but of course the dodgy van hadn’t given receipt and wasn’t giving out re-funds. I also fell victim later on when I went to chat to some of the drivers about their first dune experience. Leaving all my kit on the desk I thought was safe, I trotted off, only return to find my camera and bank card reader was gone. I cant work out if it’s a problem or not as the police have no way of making official documents, and I am sure Dixons aren’t gonna take my word for it when I try to claim on my insurance which I oddly took out. I’ll be more careful next time.

I don’t have any photos to show of my experience now though and that is really sad, a missed opportunity, and as I lay in the sun waiting for the rest of the competitors to come back I thought of other missed opportunities, people, places, jobs and friends.

What if I had gone with A1 last November, would I be with them now, driving a Ferrari? What if I hadn’t been so odd to think my mate Charlie was ‘drinking to be cool’ when I was 13, would we still be close and what if I had kissed that girl 2 Christmas’ ago? Would we have been together now? It filled hours thinking how all these have effected where I am today. Have I missed something great while I sit on this dusty airfield.

It brought me back to theft, someone else did my job for A1 and that girl now has a boyfriend, a fat one at that, but would that have been me on here FB profile photo?

At this point I would like to state, categorically, there is no such thing as friend theft. Friend (plural) are part of a large network and like the underground, they twist around each other meeting and expanding, If there was such thing as friend stealing the world would not be a ‘small place’ it would be huge. Even in a country I doubt any of you have been to the is networks. The people that speak to me most here are people who know my dad, and therefore have a small connection to me. They all speak about him as a genuinely nice guy, a good guy, one of the best people in F1 and do you think he’ll turn round to me and blame me for stealing his mates? Never, hes one of the most fantastic people I know, and I have still got a lot to learn before I become a Constanduros that can equal his legend.

Sorry not to talk Silk Way Rally, its been a bit dull, the pictures are nice though www.youtube.com/silkwayrally

Dropping the Bomb

As the days wear on and I get more and more tired, less things amuse or interest me, and it all seems rather samey. I know it sounds like sour grapes, after all I have clear skys and go to a different place everyday, but unlike the crew who see the beautiful scenery, all I see is the airport, no culture, no cars at speed, nothing. Its not a cool as it sounds.

I had a shower this morning (no jokes please) and have realised why you don’t shower before about 5pm, it was freezing, fresh out of the water tank which hadn’t yet warmed up in the sun. But it was good to feel fresh, even if I thought I would die the moment the water hit me!!

It was great to be able to speak English this morning, Dad phoned from the UK and practically had to hang up because I couldn’t stop talking and then Qatari driver Nasser Al Attiyah came to the press room and started chatting to me. We had done a feature on him yesterday and he wanted to thank me. An amazing guy, 7 Middle Eastern Rally championships and 3 visits to the Olymipics as a skeet shooter he really is a spectacular inspiration and so nice. We chatted about Oxford, he visits Prodrive and stays in Oxford when he does. Also rallying, 23 rallies this year, one every other weekend. He was also really annoying Carlos Sainz who was loosing the rally because of trying too hard to stop Nasser!

I had some pretty crap news today concerning cancelled work and lying friends, but to balance this suddenly I was buzzing with excitement after Stefan from VW offered me a chance to drive the Dakar Touareg in Solden, an Austrian Ski resort! What an opportunity!

Just before work time, the Red Bull man arrived to stock up…I have done very well not to drink a lot of it. With two full crates in hand he knocked into the pillar in the middle of the press centre dropping his contents on the floor. 48 cans of redbull exploded over everyone, no-one was spared, it went off like a bomb, but the worst but of it all was a helicopter was landing at the time so now we all smell of red bull, our equipment covered, with sand stuck on top.

The Feed went really well tonight, you know you’ve done a good job when people start talking English to you! I actually put it down to the fact I had ‘rehearsed’ speaking ‘normal’ English with dad earlier! To celebrate I had a beer, my first drink which wasn’t water or Red Bull in 6 days! Having forgotton I had not eaten since the night before, well, Guess what…………..no,no you decide www.youtube.com/silkwayrally

Lessons in Dakar

There are those who seeming have done the Dakar since its inception, there are others who are here for their first time, like me, and there also those who are here for the first time and have no brains.

Its quite clear that helicopters need to produce lift to fly and therefore create a lot of wind; don’t stand by and watch, you get dust in your eyes! The planes (Antinoff 74 and 24’s if your interested!) have props, like helicopters and also make a lot of wind. The 74’s have jet engines, 2 of them and therefore pitching your tent behind the plane may seem like a great idea but its not. This morning a tent was ripped in two, with a man still inside, which was quite funny!

Also I learnt not to leave one open during the day, because it fills up with sand and most importantly don’t fart in one because it never goes away.

Beyneu Is our first Dakar desert experience. Gone are the rocks and soil and hello to endless nothing.

We were greeted by 4 camels who were near the runway and then on the press tables were lizards,using the tables to sun bath. So battling with the sand on everything (computer is dying under the beach which is now inside) and now the attentions of the bugs. We didn’t have any bugs the last few nights but today its hideous, and I am told snakes tomorrow!

I thought about having a shower, I hate the holes in the ground they call loos but the showers look pretty cool. I haven’t brought trunks and don’t fancy showing Mr Winkle to the world so I thought I would shower when it was quiet. Problem was they werent working!

Work was flat out today, we voiced the first part of the Highlights show as well as the normal 3 minute news access which is on youtube (www.youtube.com/silkway) and then the 13min which I think is on Eurosport.

Oh one last amusement. The first car to crash out of the rally was a medical truck which rolled yesterday. The Turkmenistan lead driver retired after hitting a camel (how! they are sooooo slow, and big!). Finally, the reason for the showers being late was the truck carrying the equipment got stuck in the sand at the spot where they were supposed to be constructed.

Right, Best go and get some Spag Bolg avec Sand…….speak tomorrow!

Kazakstan, its nice (ish)

Woke this morning with the most horrendous bad back, having pitched by tent in the dark last night I hadn’t seen what I had as a mattress. It turned out to be clumps of grass! It was also boiling hot, so after modifying one of my T-shirt to a ‘sleep shirt’ I put the sleeping bag to one side. Many of the others were sleeping under the stars, but I knew they would be rather damp come morning, this is no desert yet! Aptly my film for the night was ‘Borat’, I had seen it before, but after looking through my limited choices on the iTouch (only a few of the films from my brother actually worked on the player) it was an obvious choice, afterall we were heading to Kazakstan!

This morning was a surreal experience. My alarm clock at 6.30, was 2 huge jet engines on the cargo plane, as it headed to Uralsk. I knew I was plane number 2 but wasn’t going to risk being left behind so I packed up, struggling with my 2 second pop up tent. The issue with these blighters is that by may go up quick, but the refuse to go down. Eventually after help from a Russian engineer I stuffed it into its circular bag, and with the rest of my luggage, dumped it beside the TV plane. Then it was time to go through customs and passport control…..i wish I knew how to post photos because this was very odd. Two banged up old coaches with a policeman in each and a roped off path through the maze which brought you out to the same place you started….. no bullet-proof glass here!

I sat next to Stefan from VW Motorsport on the plane and after a small chat about his team, re revealed he used to commentate on the MotorsTV UK Karting Challenge for German Motors, and so knew me very well. Slightly strange experience, as he started enthusing about the various features we used to film. It got me thinking that this job might be hard, but its not as hard as that was. Here on the Dakar I only have to be on form for 30mins max.

Once in Kazakstan there was a great debate about where we actually were. Due to the language and alphabet difference, the place on the Dakar map is called Uralsk but the internet suggested it was Oral. Either way, soon we realised that it is spelt Oral in Kazak but said Uralsk hence the separate spelling.

Lunch time was entertaining, I ate with someone for the first time, instead of being avoided like I smell (which I probably do but the showers were not up to it yesterday). Jean-Marie Bonnay and I shared a frankfurter each over the subject of Logistics. It’s a travelling circus of nearly 1000 people, 400 of which make up the organisers and press. There are 2 medical helicopters, 1 TV chopper, 3 Antinoff Cargo planes and 2 passenger planes. Just as we were finishing off, a huge gust of wind blew 2 of the tents up off the ground throwing them into a table of VW engineers and their reco vehicle. Luckly no-one was hurt, and as the press girl, Emila said….Dakar is Dakar!

Voicing went well today and when it goes right it makes me feel much more ‘at home’, I’ll head for food and then to bed.

Now, I pitched my tent as soon as it arrived to avoid the issues of last night but as the journalists arrived on their various planes, more and more started to pitch their tents beside mine, and now there is a mini community of Russians and a service van beside it! Its and early start of the cars so I am not exactly sure what I’ll do now……..